LOOKING BACK, BUT I’M MOVING FORWARD

 The snow started (finally) last night. We awoke to a beautiful sparkling white world. Happy New Year - a fresh start! 

Seemed to me a walk in the woods would be good for my soul and my soul was calling to Hanna Park in Trenton. In the 1970s we moved to Trenton when  I was 11 and as children we ran/biked/played/got into trouble in Hanna Park. The stories I could tell!

Our whole family, including the pets hung out in Hanna Park. It was only a couple blocks from our house and before bed I would walk to the corner, point in the direction of the Park and yell “FROOOOOODDOOOO!!!” Eventually, out of the dark would come my cat Frodo, high tailing it home. 

I found some old pics of a winter walk in Hanna Park, much like today’s but oh so different.

This is in 1975, according to the back of the photo. From left to right: Heidi, Lulu (original Lulu), Heather, Spencer, David Fabi (extra kid from across the road) and myself. Nice pants Spencer, very hip!

Here’s another one with my oldest sister Heather, my mom and I. Bomber jackets were big in the mid 1970’s and I remember getting these for Christmas!

Today, pushing 50 years later, Hanna Park is as beautiful in winter as ever. The air is filled with memories. 

This is the memorial bench for my sister Heidi (1962-1987). I brush off some snow, touch the plaque with her name on it. That sharp familiar pang known as the grief I always carry makes itself felt. I miss her. 

And Hanna Park is as beautiful as ever:

The sun lighting up the snow diamonds

Light at the end of the tunnel

It’s 2021 and the gentle quiet voice within me is saying “new beginnings”. I’m OK with that, except you can’t have a new beginning without an ending. And Endings can be a little rough. 

So I’m looking back, I’m waving goodbye, but I’m moving forward.