GRIEF IN THE GOODBYE

I admit it, I'm not good at goodbyes 

The letting go

The giving up

There are reasons for this. One is, I'm tenacious by nature so I'm inclined to hold on vs. letting go! Another is I feel loss so deeply that I tend to try and avoid it. 

I know I'm not alone in this; many of you know what I'm talking about. Grief in the goodbye, the letting go, the giving up is no easy thing. And I'm not just talking about a loved one, like a parent or spouse. 

We grieve when we have to let things go, like our independence, or a job, a relationship, maybe a home and certainly a pet! And the deeper your connection or love quantifies the amount of grief you will feel. I'm a love big/grieve big type. 

Grief is complicated and individual; a convoluted mess of emotions from all that love you have inside but can't share, to anger, regret, melancholy. It's triggered in memories on rewind, good and bad, or a song or a scent. 

So if you are grieving, whatever you are grieving, I understand. I know it changes you, sometimes it changes everything. I also know you can continue to live a full life. Slowly, with time and some hard work the fog clears and you begin to carry on. 

With every ending, there is a new beginning. With the Grief in the Goodbye, there can be Hope in the Hello. 

ODE TO MY MOM!

Mom, this one's for you! This past week we celebrated my Mother's 80th birthday. 80 years and looking fabulous!

Her birthday request was to celebrate in a Yurt and since she has never really asked for much in this life it's what we did.

It was a beautiful day with a hint of coolness and not a bad way to celebrate 80 years if you ask me.

We took a small hike in the woods and happily we all came back in one piece.

I like to think I've inherited a number of my Mom's great qualities: her graciousness, independent spirit and tenacity are a few. 

In fact, these have been passed down to my own daughter  as well. 

When my mom was still just a teenager she packed her bags and left her parents and brother in Kalamazoo, Michigan to move to Canada (talk about gutsy). 

In the little hamlet of Ameliasburgh, she met my Father. They married and my mom spent the next 10 years or so raising a family of 4. Eventually, she went back to full time work using her gentle spirit and creativity at a Daycare. She is a gifted artist and musician. It is my personal suspicion that my brother, a musical prodigy, inherited the knack from my Mom, even though my Dad's side is incredibly musical. She carries with her the painful grief that comes from losing a child, my sister Heidi, who died at 25 from cancer. 

Her life has not always been easy. Even to this day, living in chronic pain,  my Mom is not a complainer nor does she play the victim role. Heck, she wanted to take a hike in the woods for her 80th birthday!

Happy 80th Birthday Mom! Thanks for all you do and all you taught me. Much Love, Cyndi!!