SAYING GOODBYE WITH YELLOW ROSES

 It’s no secret I’m not good at goodbyes. I tend to hold on to those of you who embed themselves in my heart and take up residence.

April and I worked closely together, sharing the same job. Nearly every morning, we would touch base via video (COVID you know) to follow up on palliative patients we worked with and their families, making sure the ball was not dropped as we passed it. 

“Good Morning April! How was your night? Anything you need to tell me before I take over?”

“Morning Cyndi! I’m OK but last night my arm went numb - had to go to emergency to get checked out! Thought I was having a stroke!”

“Oh no! How are you feeling now? Your arm still numb?”

“Yeah, it is. I’m booked for an MRI next week. Could only happen to me!”

That was a turning point, about 6 weeks ago. April went for her MRI late on a Friday night and when I checked in the next morning she told me she was on her way to Kingston. 

Then she was admitted.

Then there was a biopsy.

Then there was the diagnosis. All in about a week’s time. An aggressive and inoperable brain cancer. April was 37 years old. 

Still, she was young and strong and ready to fight with chemo and radiation even though the doctors told her this was a terminal diagnosis. She was given the hopeful news this tumour often reacted well to the chemotherapy. But only 3 treatments in, she seizured and was rushed back to Kingston to be admitted. 

Sweet beautiful April passed away 6 weeks after her diagnosis. Though I’m no stranger to grief,  the shock hit me hard. She was like a daughter to me and I had hoped we would have at least a year to say goodbye. I continued to work the day at the office, trying to stay busy and doing mindless tasks. 

Her incredible family flew in from all over: some from out West, some from Ontario and some from Newfoundland where she was born. There were a lot of them and a couple of days after her death,  I stopped into April’s place to meet them, handing over a box of her personal belongings from the office. One sounds just like her, one has her eyes, all have her Down east warmth. I said goodbye to her voice, to her eyes, to her wit and accent. Tonka, her Husky sat dejectedly on the porch and only perked up when I handed over some fruit and muffins. 

When I got home from work that day after hearing the news of her death, I found my roses had suddenly exploded into blooms, especially the yellow ones. Yellow roses are a symbol of warmth and friendship. 

I’m not good with goodbyes April. I will miss you and never forget you! Thank you for the beautiful roses. 

HOLIDAY-GETAWAY

With this pandemic shadowing our universe for over a year now most of us, including myself have spent a lot of time hunkered down at home. 

But a change of scenery is a good thing for our emotional, spiritual and physical health! This past month we were able take a few days at Niagara-On-The-Lake for our 35th wedding anniversary and then a week at a cottage,  just the things for a pick-me-up! A Holiday-Getaway! Warning: Pic-heavy Blog Ahead

Niagara-On-The-Lake is a pretty and pretty classic tourist town. It was busy, but COVID protocols were firmly in place with masking and limited numbers in stores.

Who can resist a store full of every imaginable candy or fresh-made Gelato? 

Not me!!

We watched a storm hover over Lake Ontario

And a great dinner out was a must!

Just as pretty, but much, MUCH quieter, was our time at the cottage.

Nothing but water, sky, trees and rock

Morning coffee could last for over an hour!

And I tried my hand at acrylic painting 

At least the brick turned out…

I also burnt my belly !! Ouch - pass the Aloe Vera Stat!!

Still, it is good be be back home to my cats and familiar comforts. 

I hope you get some slow summer time to refresh and rejuvenate, either away to new surroundings or at home. Go out for a great meal, try a new hobby and linger with your coffee. But make sure you pack your suntan lotion!

WHEN GOD SAID “NO”

 

There’s a story you can find in both Mark and Luke about a man Jesus heals and sets free. The story goes he was possessed by so many demons they called themselves “Legion”. He lived among the tombs, naked and chained. But many times the demons would take control and he would break the chains. When  Jesus and the disciples find him in this tortured state “Legion” knows the gig is up. They beg Jesus (repeatedly) to not order them into the Abyss; let them go into a herd of pigs nearby. Permission is granted and the pigs rush into a lake and drown. I often wonder what happened to Legion after that…but the man is now set free. Now he sits at Jesus feet, clothed and in his right mind. Peace and freedom are finally his. This man wants only one thing; to stay with Jesus and follow him. Like the demons, he begs Jesus for this request.

But Jesus says “No.” 

He sends him away saying “Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” Luke 8:39. 

It seems like a small and reasonable request to me, for this man to stay with the one who brought him such freedom after years of torment. Still the answer is “No”. This man did what Jesus asked and went around his home town telling everyone of the miraculous second chance provided to him. 

I often tell young moms raising little ones to let your Yes be Yes and your No be No. As well, as much as possible, say Yes, only say No when you really have to. 

Say Yes when they want that third story before bed. Say yes when they want to run out in the rain and jump in a puddle, even though it means an inconvenience to you and more laundry. 

But when you really need to, say No. 

Because you can see the bigger picture and you know the outcome. 

There are times when God gives me the “No” answer, even if the request seems oh so reasonable, even if it is my heart’s desire and I beg him like the man who wants nothing more than to be with Jesus. 

I trust him. He hasn’t failed me yet. I might keep on asking and maybe that’s part of the process. Maybe when the time is right He will say “Yes”. Maybe the answer will always be No. 

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need. 

PEACE IN THE PARK

 There’s something very peaceful about time spent by the water. In fact many studies justify and confirm the calming effect on our body, mind and soul. 

Like many communities, ours has a beautiful body of water that we tuck up against. When I have time in the morning before work, I take a bike ride around the trails by the Bay. The air is still tinged with the coolness of the passing night as I glide along the path.

There are lots of inviting benches to stop at. Apparently when our mind is calm and allowed to wander, it unlocks our best problem solving abilities. So the next time you are trying to surpass that mountain, please, take a seat and stare at the water for a bit. 

As I gain speed and pass underneath the bridge the pigeons are cooing and checking out their best echos under the massive concrete pillars.

I pass a heron posing on a lone rock

And, a gaggle of goslings off to school - the school of life that is.

Most of the boats are all still sleeping in the harbour. But a few people are up and about. I pass a young woman with a black poodle, trimmed in the classic French style. There are two elderly men walking together; one tall, one short. There is a tiny elderly woman alone taking careful but determined little steps. She’s adorable and gives me a quick little smile. 

This is the dog park  and if I were a dog, I’d be pretty excited about running amuck in there myself!

Time is ticking and my day job (and a cup of coffee) is calling. I can hear the train whistle in the distance and pick up the pace to get across the tracks before I get caught having to wait. 

Back home, with my coffee in the garden, I’m grateful for these simple pleasures: a bike ride, a body that still works well enough to ride it, a cup of coffee, the beauty of a summer morning and peace in the park. 

#QUINTE COMPASSION

 I follow a local Facebook page that focuses on our community’s local history. It’s filled with amazing photos, stories, facts and memories. I read one about a woman during the depression who lived near the train tracks. She would have coffee and sandwiches on hand for hobos. This opened up a thread of so many in our community, including my grandmother who ensured there was food to hand out when they would come to the back door. 

My husband tells me one man who drops off deliveries at our house and always leave a dog treat on the top of the box for Lulu. 

And what about all those porch drop offs of food and little pick-me-up gifts during the pandemic? 

The Latin meaning for compassion is “co-suffering.” We relate to another’s situation and sympathize with them. We are moved to help and do what we can to relieve suffering. It involves kindness and mercy. 

I value compassion deeply and love to see it expressed. The other day when we stopped down at L’Auberge de France, a little French restaurant downtown, they had a bowl of water outside for thirsty dogs

Thank you L’Auberge for this small act of kindness!

On my bike ride home there is this bin outside of a house:

Thank you resident on Charlotte street for showing compassion to others in need!

There is an international movement called “Compassionate Communities”.  In Canada it is led by Pallium and you can read about it here: https://www.pallium.ca/compassionate-communities/

Wouldn’t it be great to create a culture that values compassion? That teaches our children the importance of considering others and showing kindness to all living things, including animals? What if we honoured our weak and vulnerable, protecting them and doing what we can to help? Something as simple as putting water out for the local dogs?

Maybe we can avoid in the future, such tragedies as the loss of 215 little children, pulled from their homes and families.

I want to acknowledge those in our community who show kindness and compassion. If I hear or see something I will #QuinteCompassion and celebrate it! I encourage you to join me or let me know and I will give them a shoutout. 

I WANT A REPLAY ON MAY!

 Well, it’s May 24. Only 7 days left in the month of May, one of my favourite months. 

I want a replay, a round 2, a do-over. 

Let me state my case...

Gone is the sharp, biting cold wind. I’m greeted with May’s gentle honeysuckle and lilac scented caress. 

I gather this abundance into not one but three vases

It has a Mother’s Heart. Through my open windows I can hear baby birds squawking, and mother robins chirping warnings and precautions. “Stay in the bushes Junior - don’t go on the lawn!”

There are trees the colour of fuchsia

We can eat “al fresco” on the back deck

And Barbecue Everything

I spend a lot of time in the garden; digging, weeding, planting, potting. Then I have coffee every morning enjoying the view and all my efforts. 

In 7 more days, May will be gone and June will sashay in holding the summer banner high. 

I will have to wait another 11 months for another May. 

Can’t we rewind and have a replay on May?

ALWAYS

I always love flowers, anytime of the year. 

I always give the dish soap an extra squeeze to create little bubbles in the air

I always feel a little sad when I see an old ancient tree being taken down

 I always pray at all times for all things

I always have a hard time letting go and saying goodbye

I always love the smell of campfire

I always feel everything deeply but rarely show it

I always give the dog some extra loving when I put her leash on for a walk (cause I’m down there anyway)

I always do some of my best thinking when I’m walking

I always ignore people honking when I’m walking (cause I’m thinking)

I always try to keep the peace, I always try to see the good in people

I always listen to the bird songs and try to identify them in my head 

I always want to keep learning

I always like red wine when it’s cold and white wine when it’s warm

I always long for home

And I, will ALWAYS, Love you

Thank you for letting me be a Mom!